


Never Trust a Skull

by dawnofme



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Dresden Files Reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 21:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnofme/pseuds/dawnofme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  For the Halloween Nekid Numbers Challenge or at <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/nekid_spike/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://community.livejournal.com/nekid_spike/"><b>nekid_spike</b></a>.  I got Harmony, a Skull and forest/woods.   Have you ever wondered how Spike and Harmony met?  Well this is the story.  Or, at least the crazy scenario that my brain came up with.  LOL!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Trust a Skull

_**Fic &amp; Banner: Never Trust a Skull**_

Author:  [](http://dawnofme.livejournal.com/profile)[**dawnofme**](http://dawnofme.livejournal.com/)  
Title:  Never Trust a Skull  
Rating:  PG-13  
Pairing:  Spike/Harmony  
Words:  2,200  
Summary:  For the Halloween Nekid Numbers Challenge or at [](http://community.livejournal.com/nekid_spike/profile)[**nekid_spike**](http://community.livejournal.com/nekid_spike/).  I got Harmony, a Skull and forest/woods.   Have you ever wondered how Spike and Harmony met?  Well this is the story.  Or, at least the crazy scenario that my brain came up with.  LOL!

Beta:  [](http://mabel-marsters.livejournal.com/profile)[**mabel_marsters**](http://mabel-marsters.livejournal.com/)

Disclaimer:  I do not own the characters.  I'm just playing with them. 

**Never Trust a Skull&lt;?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /&gt;**

****

"Beat on the brat.  Beat on the brat.  Beat on the brat with a baseball bat.  Oh yeah, oh yeah…"  Spike sang along with the Ramones as the car smoothly hugged another curve.

He was in a great mood.  Coming across that old book with the maps and plans had been pure luck and he thanked Dru's stars for her driving him away again.  The light in his eyes went out and a frown replaced the grin.  After he'd caught Dru with one too many disgusting demons, he'd had enough and had taken off to hell knows where.

He'd ended up in a little dusty ghost town with a demon bar.  After consuming way too much alcohol and being disgusted by the lack of forgetting he was able to do, he stumbled into a dilapidated building and searched until he'd found a trap door.  Spike had gone below, curled up and went to sleep, waiting out the daylight. 

When he had woken the next night, he went to light a cigarette and caught a glimpse of a dusty bookshelf.  As a human, he'd lost himself in words, poems and make-believe worlds to forget his sad life, and he'd really needed to drown himself in something other than the pathetic reality that belonged to him, now.  Using his lighter, he perused the titles until he came upon a beat up, leather bound volume with no title. 

That was where he'd met his destiny.  He smiled as he thought about it; because he now knew something that no other vamp on earth knew.  The Gem of Amara was no legend.  It was truth.  He patted his coat pocket where the relevant pages were safely tucked away. 

His fingertips tingled as he tapped them against the steering wheel to the beat of the song.  In less than ten minutes, he'd be in Sunnydale.  He had a lot to do before his plans could get underway, but he was itching to get started.  Spike was out of the hills now and he had one more curve to go and he'd be past the woods where he could get a clear view of Sunnydale at night. 

A noise as loud as a gun shot rang in Spike's ears.

"What the--" he began, but was cut off by more sputtering and popping of something under the hood.  "Bloody Hell!" 

Turning the radio off, he slowed down and then held on as his Desoto jerked, sputtered and then stopped completely.  White smoke escaped from the hood on both sides.  He got out, slammed the door and burned his hand on the heated metal of the hood as he tried to open it.

"This is not happening," he grumbled while pacing in front of the hood.

Why couldn't any of his plans go to rights?  He stopped and cautiously put a finger on the hood and when he found that it was bearable to touch, he lifted the hood and went to work, trying to fix it.  It didn't take him long to realize that he'd need a few parts before he could get his baby running again. 

He opened the trunk, got a bag out and then made sure that every door was locked.  He could stay on the road and wait for a car to come by, but he hadn't seen another vehicle since he'd turned on to the small mountain pass forty minutes ago.  Spike glanced in the direction of the woods and decided that he'd get to Sunnydale faster if he cut through them.

He was trudging through the trees at a steady pace when suddenly, he stopped short and smirked.  "Well, well, what do we have here?" he asked the blonde vampire sitting with her back against a tree.

She jumped up so quickly that Spike dropped his bag and went into autopilot, ready to fight.

"Oh, my God!" she screeched.  "Took you long enough."   She grabbed him by the arm.  "Lead the way.  I swear, Bert is so not getting any when we get back."

Spike shoved her away, but then smiled at her as he looked her up and down.  Wow!  She had some serious curves on her; so unlike his svelte and dark Dru.

"I don't know who you think I am, luv, but I'm not him."

"What do you mean?  Bert didn't send you to find me?"

He smirked at her, rubbing his chin.  "No, and Ernie didn't send me either."

She flipped her long bouncy hair back as she rolled her eyes.  "That was so lame.  Bert is my sire, and I've been waiting for him for a couple of nights now."

"Well, I don't think he's coming tonight."  Spike glanced around the dark and damp forest.   "You'd best be on your way.  I'm heading towards Sunnydale, if you want some company, you could walk with me."

"Oh, good!" she said, grabbing his arm again.  "I've been trying to figure out how to get out of here since the sun went down today."

He gawked at her.  "You couldn't find your way out?"

She shook her head and sighed dramatically.  "Nope.  Bert said he had something romantic planned.  He drove me up here and then we took a walk in the moonlight.  He asked me to wait and said he'd be right back, but he never did show up.  That was two nights ago."

"Do you think he got dusted?"

"Oh, no.  We are very close.  I would feel it if he was gone."

"So, you've been stuck out here by yourself, then?" Spike asked, not really caring all that much.  She was pretty and sexy and exactly the opposite of his Dru, but she was just another bint.

"Well, not really by myself.  There's a little cave over that way," she said, pointing to the east.  "Bob was just lying there, and he kept me company."

Spike stopped and looked around with shifty eyes.  "Who the bloody hell is Bob?"

She giggled.  "I'm so glad you reminded me.  I almost forgot him."

He watched as she ran back the way they had come and then just as quickly, she ran back, holding out a sun bleached skull.

"Bob, meet—what's your name, anyways?"

"Name's Spike," he said, frowning at the eerie looking skull.  This was one nutter bird if she was naming skulls.

"I'm Harmony.  Bob and I are both pleased to meet you."

"Um, how do you know its name?"

"Oh, I don't.  Not for sure, anyway.  But I read this book about a wizard and he had this funny skull that talked, named Bob."  Harmony held up the skull and turned it slowly in her hand.  "This Bob doesn't have glowing eyes and he doesn't really talk, but he kept me company."

Spike glanced at her and then started to walk.  She caught up with him and he glanced at her again, trying to figure her out.  "You don't strike me as the type of girl who likes to read."

Harmony giggled again.  "I'm not, but Bert used to keep me locked up in this room of his, and after I had read all the comic books, I found the Harry Dresden book.  I was desperate for something do.  I wish he had a TV with a VCR."  She sighed.  "I used to have a copy of The Last Unicorn on video cassette.  Do you like unicorns?"

Spike shrugged and pulled out a cigarette.  "I don't know.  I've never met one in person."

"Ooh!  Do you think unicorns are real?  Wouldn't it be cool if one, like, just walked in front of our path right now?"

As he lit his cigarette, he stared at her through the flame.  Was this bird for real?  Dru would eat her alive and spit her out.  Whoever Bert was, he was not very bright.  This chick was clearly meant to be a minion class vampire.

He shifted the bag slung over his shoulder and kept walking.  One of the first things that he'd planned to do when he got settled in Sunnydale was to start getting some minions.  He was going to need a lot of dumb labor and a few brains as well.  Some would have to know how to read blue prints and schematics, but most of them would need to be blind followers.

Harmony's breast jiggled when she walked and from Spike's angle at slightly taller than her, he could see a fair amount of cleavage.  It would be nice to have someone following him around and thinking that he walked on water.  And Harmony was so unlike his Drusilla in every way that there would be no way the young vampire could remind him of what he'd lost.  Not to mention the fact that he was itching to get a handful of those breasts.

"So, this Bert fella.  Are you planning on looking for him?"

"Sure.  I wonder what happened, but I know he'll be happy to see me.  He says I'm his little boss-eyed bovine."

Spike chuckled, tossed his cigarette and then doubled over in laughter when he realized that she was serious.  She stopped walking too, and with her hands on her hips, she scowled at him. 

"And just what is so funny?"

"You…you do know what that means don't you?"

"Sure," she said with a sigh.  "It means that he loves me."  Spike laughed even harder until Harmony slapped his shoulder. "Stop that!"

"You stupid bint.  He's calling you a crossed-eyed cow!"

With a huff, Harmony stomped off ahead of him.

"Hey.  Look, I'm sorry," Spike told her as he caught up.  "I'm just saying. Your sire doesn't sound like a very nice bloke."

"Bert is nice, isn't he, Bob?"  Harmony said, holding up the skull.  "Yep," she said, moving Bob to look like he nodded.

Spike stared at the tree lined sky and shook his head.  He would never understand why fate always brought him in to contact with the loony women.  It brought a new meaning to being cursed.  But on the other hand, this loony bint was hot and he'd bet she was great in bed.

"Well," he said, "I've got a big project planned and I'm looking for help.  You wouldn't, by any chance, be interested in getting away from that sire of yours, would you?"

"You seem like a really nice guy, and you're really super good looking and all that, but I couldn't cheat on Bert."

Spike got in front of her and stopped.  He tilted his head and bit his lower lip, pulling out all the stops.  "Are you sure?"  She nodded, but he could tell that she liked what he was doing.  He leaned in just a bit closer and slowly blinked before running a finger from her ear down to her chest.  "I could show you a really good time."

She slapped his hand away.  "God, rude much?"  And off she went down the path again. 

They came out at the road, with a good view of the town, and he shrugged. "OK, but I've got big plans and you could have been in on it, but hey, it's your loss."

"I don't think so."

"I'll be staying at the old Crawford mansion if you change your mind."

"I won't.  Gotta go.  Bob says Bert is waiting for me," Harmony said and waved before going her own way.

~ * ~ * ~

He'd just gotten settled for the night in the drafty old mansion and was snuggled down in some old blankets in a windowless room near the kitchen, almost asleep, when he heard pounding on the door.  Spike grumbled about people always disturbing the dead, but then he slowed down, listening for a heartbeat.  It would be great if dinner was getting delivered.  Perhaps a couple of teens trying to out scare each other with a dare. 

There were no heartbeats, so he threw the door open and smirked.  "Changed your mind, have you?"

"Bob says I'd have more fun with you than with Bert," Harmony said with a pretty smile on her face.

It was funny how her shirt had gotten lower since he'd last seen her.  Her amble bosom was practically spilling out of it.

"Come in."

"Wait.  Only if I can be your girlfriend."

"Sure, whatever."  He stepped aside and let her in.  "But," he added, grabbing the skull from her hands, "No talking skulls and no bloody skulls at all.  I'm through with crazy bints with talking play things." 

She protested with a yelp as he tossed the skull out the door, where it splintered in to tiny pieces as it hit the pavement. Harmony shrugged and glanced around.

"This place is dark and creepy," she said, wrapping her arms around her chest.

He grabbed her hand and led her to his makeshift bedroom.  "We won't be here long.  Tomorrow night, I'll need to find a lair underground near the place where we'll be digging."

"Digging!  You don't expect me to dig, do you?  I could break a nail."

"Oh, no, luv; no digging for you.  You are going to be busy with a much more important job."

"What's that?"

"Keeping me satisfied," Spike said, shedding his coat.  "Let's start right now.  There's the bed."

"Okay." 

Harmony undid the belt to her jeans as Spike undid his.  He grinned, not believing his good fortune at having found her in the forest.  Crazy and talking to skulls or not, he was sure she'd be a good shag buddy.

"So let me guess; Bert turned you away."

"No," Harmony said, sadly.  "I went to the lair, but there was no one there and all the stuff was gone.  Even my unicorn collection."  She perked up when Spike took off his shirt.  She caressed his chest and giggled when his muscles jumped under her hand.  "Wow.  I had no idea you had such a great body under that coat.  Mmm."

He helped her shed the last of her clothes and then growled, "Lay down."

Harmony's shrieks and giggles echoed through the vast and empty mansion as they went at it for hours.  Finally exhausted, they both stared at the ceiling with huge grins on their faces.

Harmony turned to Spike and said, "I am so glad Bob told me to come find you."

\--THE END--  



End file.
